I will explain the five stages now but my book, Mars and Venus On A Date, goes far deeper into explaining them with real examples and. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Pages·· MB·70, Downloads. explored in great depth in my book Men, Women, and Relationships: . I learned everything I needed to know about dating and relationships in 6 weeks. That's right. It took one lusty situation, one abrupt “break up,”.
Book Summaries: Mars and Venus on a Date - John Gray
They will not have everything on your list of ideal qualities, but when your heart is open and you know them, they are somehow perfect for you. Attraction -The alchemy of creating a loving relationship is a very delicate balance of give-and-take.
It makes her feel special and she feels flattered. If she has to be overly sensitive not to hurt his feelings, then he becomes less attractive. When she is free not to worry about him, but simply enjoy the fact that he cares about her, then she becomes more attracted to him.
This is true on Venus, but not true on Mars. For a man to become more interested in a woman, she needs to do more of the talking and authentically shares herself in a positive manner.
When she appears to be difficult to please, he may easily become turned off. Conversation should be light, not heavy, focused on current events in the world and their lives, but discussed in a positive manner. This does not imply in any way that she should be fake. Authenticity is what makes anyone most attractive.
Just as men have tendency to rush into physical intimacy, women make the mistake of rushing into complete emotional intimacy. The anticipation of more is very important to keep him interested. If he feels completely satisfied, then there is no distance for him to continue traveling to pursue her. Distance not only makes the heart grow fonder, but gives a man the opportunity to pursue.
Without movement and opportunity for more, a man can easily lose interest necessary to move through all five stages of dating. She needs to remember that they are in stage one. Uncertainty -Stage one is a time to meet and get to know a variety of people. Stage two is a time to focus on one.
This is the time to make a decision to give the relationship a chance.
The Five Stages of Dating
For a man, other women may begin to seem more appealing. He may begin to question his feeling: To find reassurance, she makes one of two common mistakes. Either she starts asking questions about the relationship, or she may try to win him over. Both of these approaches can push him away to prevent him from feeling confident that he is the right guy for her. It is a time to fill up her life with the support of friends.
If he pulls away, she should gracefully allow him take his distance. If she can fill up her life with the support of friends and family and she still misses him, it is a good sign. The wise woman waits for him to pursue her.
Yet there is a time for a woman to call. It is foolish to wait passively. A wise woman can create the opportunity for a man to pursue her. The worst thing she can do is to call him and interrogate him about his feelings about her and the relationship. Two days, two weeks, or even two months may pass by in a flash, and then suddenly he remembers how much he likes a woman. He thinks about calling but anticipates that he will be scolded or rejected for taking so long to call. So he decides to not call and moves on.
If he has received a friendly call, then he gets the clear message that he is not in trouble. This then frees him to consider pursuing her again. More is not always better. Instead of letting him continue to please her, she shifts to trying to please him.
Inevitably her position is compromised and he loses interest. But by clearly realizing that she is under no obligation, she can begin to freely flirt with men and enjoy receiving what men can offer.
The BEST Book I Ever Read: Mars & Venus On A Date | FINDING CUPID
The more receptive and responsive she becomes, the more attractive she will be to the kind of man who will want to marry her.
Exclusivity -In stage three, we build a foundation that allows us to open our hearts and truly love someone. Before this stage, we are just reacting to the anticipation of getting what we need and testing to see if we want to get involved.
In stage three, he mistakenly assumes the pursuit is over. Most men think that you do little romantic things only until a woman accepts you and then you can relax.
When he assumes he is doing enough and the woman is not happy, he quickly gives up and loses his attraction. The biggest mistake a woman makes in stage three is to assume that now a man will do things without her having to ask. He can then feel confident that he can fulfill her. The best time to ask for support is when a man stops offering it.
It is not that he is resisting giving the help; he is resisting her resentful attitude. By learning to ask for what she wants in a positive way, a woman will eventually develop one of the most important skills she needs for having a successful relationship with a man. She feels inclined to do more for him. As she feels she is giving more, she is no longer as excited and appreciative of the little things he does.
Instead of growing in appreciation, she begins to take her partner for granted. Being responsive is at first automatic, but then a woman must consciously make a choice to focus on and express her positive responses. Intimacy -Using the right dating skills cannot make you love someone more or make him or her love you more, but dating skills can assist you in discovering how much love you have for a person.
A woman can open up more and communicate how she feels even when she is not in a good mood. She does not always have to be positive when they are together. There is so much to do. Do you still love me? However, he can return to her with even more love. Each time after he pulls away, his love has a chance to grow when he returns.
She must be careful not to be rejecting when he returns. By taking the time to move through all the five stages, a man ensures that when he does give all of himself it will yield the greatest return. If the man has always planned the dates, she can do it now and then. If he has always been a good listener, now she just listens.
If he has always initiated romance, now she initiates it sometimes. But it must be done with caution. It is so easy for a man to sit back and receive and for a woman to give too much.
When roles are switched, it should be done consciously, with awareness that it is just occasional. Because when a man needs a woman more than she needs him, it can be a real turnoff.
Move through the first four stages and you will know. Engagement -To make sure it is lasting, we much acknowledge and commit ourselves to it. It is important to strike while the iron is hot; otherwise, when it cools down, we may miss the opportunity.
On Venus, second to a wedding ceremony, the proposal is the most cherished memory of a lifetime. When one partner apologizes, that makes it easier for the other to find forgiveness. When one partner is very forgiving, that makes it easy for the other to be responsible and apologize. It is difficult for a man to apologize for his mistakes when he does not sense he will be forgiven. In stage five, he still anticipates being forgiven.
That is why this is the best time for him to practice. She experiences and learns that her love, not her punishments, brings out the best in him. Marriage is like a magnifying glass.
Our love grows, but our problems and pressures become bigger as well. Now that you admit you are wrong and I am right, we can be friends again. When you say you are sorry, the discussion begins. She will proceed to tell him in great detail why he should be feeling sorry. When she starts talking, he feels his apology did no good.
Explanations can make things worse. Making it through the five stages -To get through the five stages of dating, it is important to respect the whole process. Each stage creates certain opportunities and challenges.
Instead of focusing on pleasing him because he makes her happy, she needs to let him continue to please her with his actions. She does not have to do anything to earn his interest.
The more she gives and she graciously receives, the more interested he becomes. He thinks, Okay, I can relax; I must be doing enough. On Venus they tend instinctively to know that feelings are always changing. She needs assurance that his feelings will not change as they really get to know each other.
When a woman is in stage one or two and a man behaves as if he is in stage three, four, or five, then she can easily lose interest. She feels he wants too much, so she feels obligated to give back more than she is ready to. She is afraid of getting involved and hurting him.
When a man pursues a woman but not yet sure about exclusivity or beyond, it can make him very attractive. This does not necessarily mean that they will not make it through all the stages, but it does mean that they will not gain the insights and ability necessary to build a strong foundation for the relationship to grow. Men respond much better when they are not seen as the problem but as the solution. This is the time to move back to stage two Uncertainty.
Another benefit is that the woman gives her partner the space he needs to determine if he is the right person for her. By creating more distance between them, she gives him a chance to experience how much he loves her. Boy and girl are attracted to one another. Boy woos girl with dinner, compliments, and affectionate gestures as he tries to accomplish what his basic instincts tell him to do—get in her pants, spread his seed, bang.
The boy is supposed to chase, and the girl is suppose to let him Stage 2: Uncertainty Both parties are evaluating if the other has potential to be a long-term mate. Women often begin to let their guard down in this phase, and they have generally slept with the man. Now that the sex is out of the way, he can actually think straight and really consider whether he likes her as a person.
Sometimes, they go dark and silent. Other times, they just distance themselves. What should I do?
Mars vs Venus on a date and in the bedroom
This always happens after sex. In some cases, she might even start to chase him. This is the worst thing she can do because it turns the natural roles for men and women sideways, and as a result, the relationship, upside down.
Men, on the other hand, are instinctually inclined in the beginning of a courtship to get the thing they want most—sex. The man needs to go to the man cave, and the woman needs to stay at her own house until he comes out. In other words, the man came out of his man cave with the understanding that he actually likes the woman as a person. And, the woman played it cool while he was figuring it out in the cave. So there will be nothing glueing you together. The way to forge a bond is for a woman to see if a man will pursue and try to win her.
And the way for a man to see if he's really interested in a woman is to be allowed to be the one to do the pursuing! How does a man know if he likes a woman enough to continue to pursue her? Men feel they're in the right relationship when they feel successful in making you happy. If he feels he cannot do this, he will not commit to her. Case in point was a couple I was counselling who had been living together for nine years and the man wouldn't propose.
When I asked him when she wasn't there why he wouldn't propose, he said they once were on a tour of Beverly Hills in California looking at beautiful Beverly Hills homes, and she mentioned that she'd love to live in one of those houses. He said that when he heard that, he felt inside himself that he could never provide that for her, and he wanted her to have the best so therefore he didn't want to marry her if he could not make her happy.
For me personally, it was when my girlfriend was with me in the car, and I was getting the directions all wrong and making wrong turns. I was expecting her to get mad, but instead she just looked outside the window and said, "What a beautiful sunset! That was when I knew.
I said to myself at that point, "This woman is the one for me. Are you suggesting then that women should pretend to be happy with a guy so he will commit? No, women shouldn't play that game, because it's not authentic. And when she isn't authentically happy with him, he won't bond with her. It has to be an authentic "Yes". You can smile and laugh at everything he says, but if he doesn't earn it, and you're not genuine about it, he won't bond with you.
Can a woman ever call or text a guy first, or should she let him do all the pursuing? In the old days women didn't call men. There was a whole culture that was set around the guy making the phone call. So how do you pursue a guy without pursuing? I use the word "proceptive". It's not about taking action, it's about women being pro-receptive and letting him know that you are interested in him and that if he took a step forward, that he wouldn't be rejected.
But don't let him think it is assured because then he will not feel like he is doing the chasing! What makes a successful relationship? When a man feels like he is able to please a woman. This is a tough one though, because some women are easier to please than others. When a woman says that her husband is so generous in the bedroom, I ask her how long it takes her to come. If she says "two minutes" then I understand why she praises him — it's easy for the men to be generous when their partner comes in two minutes!
For those women who take minutes, it's not that easy and it's harder for a man to please her. The same goes for women who have long lists of what they need for a man to please her. It's harder for those women to be in happy, successful relationships.
Many career women complain they intimidate men. Why does this happen? If she's smart and capable, I'll admire that.
But she has to be receptive to a man's love. Many strong women are not receptive to a man's love and don't let him feel like he is needed in the relationship. Men admire results and think you are great for achieving them, but that doesn't make you attractive to a man. What does make a man attracted to a woman is if there is some place in her life where he can feel needed and have something to offer.