People with borderline personality often have romantic relationships that are chaotic, If you are considering starting a relationship with someone with BPD, or are in one now, you Get one simple hack every day to make your life healthier. What It's Really Like To Date Someone With Borderline Personality which to live—particularly when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Living with & Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. By Linda Sapadin, Ph.D ~ 3 min read. Anger is an acid that can do more.
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
When a loved one becomes reactive, they may become to insult you or make unfair accusations. The natural response is to become defensive and to match the level of reactivity. They struggle to gauge what is a minor issue and what is a full blown catastrophe. They interpret your defensiveness as not being valued.
Instead, when they become reactive, take the time to listen without pointing out the flaws in their argument. Try not to take it personally.
How to Cope When a Partner or Spouse Has Borderline Personality Disorder
If the person does point out something you could improve or have done wrong, acknowledge their point, apologize, and suggest a way you can improve on the matter in the future. What if they threaten to hurt themselves? A crisis is escalating if a person with BPD begins to threaten to harm themselves. Sometimes self-harm signs may be less overt, such as scratching the skin, eating less, coloring or shaving off hair, or isolating from others.
Recognizing early signs can help prevent an emotional crisis from becoming more serious or requiring medical or psychiatric attention. Instead, you invite the individual to talk about their emotions and allow yourself to gauge whether professional assistance is necessary. All threats of suicide should be taken seriously. Even if the behavior is attention-seeking, it can result in seriously harm or even death.
This sends the message that they have an enormous amount of power over all arguments. Instead, ask your family member what they would feel most comfortable doing when they threaten injury. They might want to speak with their therapist, call a hotline, or walk with you into an emergency room. Allowing them some amount of agency in of deescalating a crisis can help calm out of control emotions.
What other strategies can reduce conflict? Listening and reflecting can be the most effective strategy in communicating with someone with BPD.
When Your Loved One Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Though you might disagree with every word that is spoken, listening is not the same as agreeing. This type of communication is not about winning an argument or being right.
What can I do when I feel overwhelmed? Carve out time to spend with friends and engage in leisure activities. You also should consider how to involve other family members in the care and support of someone with BPD.Communicating with Someone who has BPD
No single person should be responsible for communicating calmly and responding to crisis situations. The more people who know effective strategies for responding to the individual, the less often crises will erupt. Will they ever completely recover? Unlike with physical illness, recovery has a different meaning when it comes to mental health. Recovery does not imply the total elimination of symptoms, the lack of need for medication or therapy, and functioning comparable to persons without the disorder.
Everything is done with passion, but it goes from being very happy and passionate to very disappointed and rageful. Prior to her diagnosis, her boyfriend, Thomas, used to blame himself for her hot and cold behavior. Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have: I must be loved by all the important people in my life at all times or else I am worthless. Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me.
If someone treats me badly, then I become bad.
When I am alone, I become nobody and nothing. These thoughts may be completely at odds with your own perception of your partner, but it is imperative to understand that for them, they are very real, and can drive them toward extreme and seemingly irrational behavior.
Navigating through this emotional minefield can be difficult and painful for both of you, but knowing that their thoughts and behaviors are the product of intensely powerful perceptional distortions deeply rooted in their mental health disorder, rather than a reflection of your own shortcomings, can bring some comfort.
For Thomas, educating himself about BPD helped him move from self-blame to empathy and compassion: There are a lot of nuances, complexities, and lines to be read through with BPD, but mostly I see Borderline Personality Disorder as an illness about pain, fear, and struggling to cope with all of that. But the common conception is just [that they are] crazy, which is an extraordinarily damaging misconception to those who suffer from it.
For relationships to have a chance of succeeding, this is a critical piece: